A year without scales...

You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
Read more at http://www.quoteswave.com/picture-quotes/342530#eoma1OFIgAmmyiWV.99

You have been criticizing yourself for years,

and it hasn't worked.

Try approving of yourself and see what happens. 

                                                                                                 -Louise L. Hay

 

 

It happened just over a month ago. My youngest daughter was sick and I was fairly certain that she had Strep. So I bundled her up and drove out to an after hours clinic. When her name was called, we stepped back behind the doors and were quickly whisked away for vital signs and weight. As she stood there looking at the "torture device" she asked me in the softest little voice, "Mom, should I take my shoes off".

 

Luckily, this is a practice that I gave up years ago. So I quickly retorted, "No honey, it doesn't change anything". But the sting was still there.

 

My hope is that she was just asking if there was a proper way to step on the scale. But my fear has gotten the better of me and I have been examining and reexamining that scene to sniff out anything that I may have missed. My fear, and the fear of so many Mom's out there, is that my perfect little lovie believes that her value is somehow tied to the number that appears on the scale and by removing her shoes she will get a better number.

 

I grew up in the age of eating disorders. My parents and my friends parents were trying to balance the media "ideal" with the plethora of fast food options that were now available all the while helping us create a healthy body image, something that prior to this time apparently just happened. We were surrounded by models that claimed the way to happiness was a size 2 and ads that claimed that happiness came from a red box with a smile on the front of it. Most of us emerged slightly shell shocked on the other side of adolescence.

 

I fell into the majority that, at least for a time, tried to purge. (Just writing that word, I'm surprised at how neat and tidy it seems compared to the harsh reality.) Luckily for me, I was blessed with an iron clad stomach and was never successful, so I never became part of the group. Something I desperately wanted, but of course looking back I am grateful for that blessing in disguise. 

 

A lot of attention has been placed on the media lately as people begin to realize that so much of what we have thought to be real (because pictures don't lie) is in fact fake. Those little rolls that appear with natural movement are photo shopped or airbrushed out. Wrinkles are removed, natural skin tones are softened to the point of a cartoonesque quality.

 

I am so glad that I am raising my girls now instead of back when my parents were. I have tried to use words that build them up and make them feel powerful instead of words that make them examine themselves in a harsh light. And now I have proof of what is real and what isn't. When we flip through a magazine we point out where things look fake or phony and I hope it is helping, but I think there is more that I need to do.

 

My girls, and my boys, need to see me loving all of me. To be honest, the only time I have felt completely comfortable in my own skin (except, of course, for those years when I didn't realize that I shouldn't, we will say from birth to 5) was when I was pregnant. I loved the sweet roundness that moved under my skin. My hips and thighs dissolved under a blanket of expectations and no longer held my focus. It was bliss.

 

It has been a long time coming, but I am finally there again. I love all of me! My yoga practice has probably done the most to help me appreciate everything about me. I love the way my toes splay and shift as I stand in tree pose. I love the strength of my thighs as I slide into side angle pose. I even love the way my skin touches as I arch back into warrior one, because that is reality, because I'm not airbrushed.

 

I think it is time though, to take one more GIANT step forward and step off the scale for a bit. Even though I love me, I have been giving too much power to the little black box that merely announces the relationship between the gravitational pull of the earth and my mass. It has the power to take a good day and shade it with self doubt and belittlement.

 

So, as the only New Years resolution you will hear from me for the year (there are others, but I'm choosing to keep them to myself), I resolve to put the scale away for a full year and see if approving of myself day in and day out does more for me than the constant echo of a number has for all of these years.   

Because I am not that number on the scale. I am so much more and so much less.  

Birthday Magic

Your birthday is a special time to celebrate

the gift of "you" to the world.

 

 

As each of my childrens' birthday's approach every year I feel a little pang of sadness that the years have gone by so quickly. I wish that I could have a few more moments with each one of my snugly delicious babies. To watch as they discover their chubby baby hands or coo as they wake up from a good nights sleep. I wish that I could experience those sweet moments and really savor them instead of merely survive in a drunken sleep deprived state. Not that I didn't enjoy a good deal of it, I just know that I would be able to appreciate those moments even more now than I did then because I realize the time is so fleeting. 

 

Having said that, I love to take the time leading up to my babies birthday's to remember the events surrounding their birth. I know that they enjoy hearing year after year how their siblings or other relatives eagerly anticipated their arrival. The preparations, the celebrations and the air of excitement as we packed up the car and headed to the hospital, knowing that we would FINALLY get to meet the sweet little person that we had already grown to love.

 

This past weekend was my third child's 10th birthday and I thought it might be fun to share some of our birthday traditions. As the above quote says, a birthday really is a fun time to celebrate the gift of "you", or the gift of your children.

 

Our oldest tradition is of course retelling of their birth story. Now I'm not talking about the "nitty gritty" details, just the basics. A couple of days before Bastian's 10th birthday I began the countdown, saying things like, "Ten years ago right now, we were eating dinner at Nanny and Papo's house. That night we took pictures of Tan and Brin kissing my belly." or "Ten years ago right now, I was THIS big" grossly over exaggerating for theatrical value. 

 

When my kiddo's were born I bought them each a journal and quickly filled in some of those details so that I could always remember what I was thinking and feeling as we were waiting to meet the newest member of our family. I wrote in their journals a lot when they were little, jotting down little anecdotes that I wanted to remember. Nowadays I have made it a goal to, at the very least, write in their journals on their birthdays. I think this will give them a little insight into the different struggles I went through as a parent, and also an idea of who they were in their early years.

 

Growing up I had a friend whose family would always decorate their mantel with birthday wishes and gifts for the birthday boy or girl. Having a family of eight, I can only imagine the preparation involved in each celebration. I loved the idea of continuing this tradition in my own family, but shopping for supplies in addition to the other birthday necessities almost ended this idea for me before I had even given it a chance to grow. That was until a friend of mine showed me some beautiful banners that her sister Amy made for different holidays including birthdays. I knew that I needed to have one. So I purchased the banner and a big stash of balloon's and now, with very little effort, my kids get a fun birthday surprise.

 

Here is a link to Amy's blog. She is such a talented seamstress with fun ideas and tutorials. http://amerooniedesigns.blogspot.com/2010/10/birthday-box.html   

 



Food is a big part of our birthday festivities. The birthday boy or girl gets to decide what is on the menu for breakfast, which is served in bed, and dinner. I also take them out to lunch to the restaurant of their choice. I like to give them fun breakfast options since this is my favorite meal to prepare. I have done funfetti pancakes, coconut encrusted french toast, pannakoeken, and loads of other things. Bastian opted for egg salad with kielbassa on toast. He is such an easy going kid!

 

This year I started something new. I thought it would be fun to let perfect strangers in on the excitement of the birthday that we were celebrating. This is also an idea where you can invest a little time and money and tuck it away for the next birthday. I bought a car window marker and wished my birthday boy a "Happy Birthday". On the back window I encouraged drivers to "Honk to wish Bastian a Happy Birthday". We have had such a fun time driving around in our "Celebration Mobile" that I'm having a hard time thinking about washing it off, luckily we have another birthday to celebrate in just over a month, so I think I will survive.

 

 

 

So, what are some of your birthday traditions. I would love to add to our list and continue celebrating in new ways each year!



Away

In this moment all is well.

I am safe.

There is nothing I have to do & nowhere I have to go.

I relax my body & my mind.

I am grateful for this moment.

 

 

 

 

This was my view this weekend. It was absolutely, blissfully, perfect. I've decided that part of the reason I escape when things become to hectic and life gets to be too much is because it is the one time where I can let go of my constant worries and really enjoy my family. I don't think about the house work, the bills that need to be paid or the things that I am failing at. I let it all go and really focus on and enjoy each of my four little miracles.

 

This weekend was brought to you by thing 1. My oldest child LOVES to fish, almost to the point of obsession. In the past this obsession has been one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with as a mother. Saying that he is a persistent child would be like saying that standing on the sun might be a little too warm to handle. He doesn't take "No" for an answer. Even when I say that I just don't see a way that I can get him to a fishing hole that day, he will retort with a long list of "What ifs". This is something that I don't want to take out of him, but something that is completely and utterly exhausting. Just thinking about his persistence is giving me a mild panic attack. I don't like saying "No" if I can help it, but he has three other siblings who have things that they want to do as well, and though I hate to say it, I can't please everyone.

 

As he has gotten older it has been easier to say yes, which is great for him and even more liberating for me. We live fairly close to three different ponds that are stocked on a regular basis. If I'm not able to take him, he can ride his bike to one of the ponds and fish to his heart's content.

 

Lately though, these little ponds just aren't satisfying him like they used to. So the persistence is back in full force. Now he wants to fish on real lakes or rivers. For the first time these requests aren't so debilitating. In fact, they seem to be exactly what I need.

 

Growing up we went camping almost every weekend. Our time was spent fishing, hiking, catching tadpoles and sitting around the fire telling silly stories and listening to the 8 track. My parents had a sweet case that housed some of the finest 8 tracks around. Our nights were filled with the raspy sound of John Denver, the Oak Ridge Boys and Johnny Cash. That was camping to me.

 

When we first had kids we tried camping a couple of times, but soon realized that it was so much work. We were both going to school full time and working full time and trying to be full time parents. Anything that required more than 50% power was just too much. So in the last 15 years we have only been camping maybe 5 times.

 

This summer we went again. Even though it is a lot of work it is exponentially easier now that our kids are older. It still took a full day to get everything packed up and ready to go, but that same amount of packing would have taken me a day and a half if I were doing it on my own. I made a list of things that I needed the kids to find and I worked on my own little projects to help us on our way. Besides the music, camping for me is all about the food. This time we had our traditional Tinfoil Dinners and popcorn cooked over the fire. We also tried Campfire Eclairs which were a HUGE hit!

 

This weekend thing 1 wanted to go fishing, surprise surprise, and instead of coming up with a list of reasons why we couldn't, I said yes. I'm sure there were things that I could have done around the house, or plans that I could have been making, but I bit my tongue and planned a fun day trip to one of my favorite childhood haunts.

 

The mantra at the top of this post is something that I read regularly and something that has helped me be more fully engaged and aware in the present moment. I have a terrible habit of not always enjoying a moment. I think as moms we are wired to think two to three steps ahead so as to anticipate any catastrophes. Something that is brilliant on one hand and life sucking on the other. You can only enjoy the here and now. Though it is important to plan for the possibilities of the future the experience of this present moment will soon become a memory.

 

I am so glad I said yes. We played in the water, snuggled on the beach, laughed at the silliest things and of course,  the boys went fishing.

 

This was our view coming down the canyon. (see, I told you the leaves were changing)

 

 

In the coming week I am going to share with you my plan to stay happy this winter, because really, it is just around the corner.