Status Report

Nothing ever goes away

until it teaches us what we need to know.

                                                              -Pema Chadron

 

 

The first few weeks of the New Year have gone by in a flash. I have been really busy with work and trying to squeeze in some last minute fun with the fam before my kiddos headed back to school. But now that they are back in school I am ready to spend more time with you and this crazy journey.

 

First up, I just want to tell you all how much I have been enjoying my "A Year Without Scales" challenge. I know that I am getting smaller, not because the number on the scale is changing (I haven't been on the scale since the end of December), but because my clothes are looser! Pants that used to give me a lovely "muffin top" now rest nicely on my hips. My shirts are baggier and I have so much more energy. 

 

It has been hard not to climb on the scale after noticing those small changes, but I have resisted so far. I don't think I have lost enough that anyone will really notice yet, but I'm still truckin' and so hopefully soon. 

 

I have been reading a wonderful book by Deepak Chopra called "What are you hungry for?". The whole premise of the book is to ask yourself what you are truly hungry for. If you are filling a hole in your heart with food there is no way that you will ever be satisfied. If you are eating because you are bored, again you will not find the satisfaction that you need in the food you are eating. So now, before I eat I scan my body to make sure that I am really eating for fuel instead of eating just to eat and I'm also stopping before I become too full.

 

I have also been making small changes that will lead me to my ultimate goal. But with these changes I am also giving myself some wiggle room. A friend posted a FABULOUS article that has really stuck with me. It was all about how resolutions set us up for failure from the very beginning. The author talks about his own goals and he states that had they been resolutions he would have pushed himself past the breaking point and ultimately would have failed. With resolutions we either "do" or we "don't" and as soon as we "don't" we throw our hands up in the air and give up. By having an ultimate goal in mind and working towards that goal every day it isn't so black and white. 

 

I've broken my changes down to small weekly tweeks in my routine. During the first week of the New Year I gave up caffeinated soda (cold turkey). Last week I was more mindful of my eating. This week I am getting back into a good yoga routine. With all of the craziness that has been going on at work, it has been hard to squeeze it in, but now that I'm not drinking caffeinated soda I am waking up on my own around 5 or 6 every morning which gives me more than enough time to squeeze in some yoga. 

 

With these tweeks I know that at any time I may not be perfect with them, but just because I am not perfect today doesn't mean I won't be perfect tomorrow, and with the big picture in mind, one non-perfect day doesn't need to derail my progress. 

 

Lastly, I have a clear picture in my mind of who I will be at the end of 2014. I heard an interesting piece on NPR not too long ago that spoke to how our brains receive messages. One of the hardest things to remember is that our brain speaks a foreign language. The person who was interviewed described being stranded in a foreign land and needing to find a restroom. If you don't speak the language you could ask someone over and over where the bathroom was and you may never find what you are looking for, but sketch a quick picture of a toilet and you would quickly be pointed in the right direction. So instead of saying words to your brain about how you want to change your life get a clear picture of how you look, act and feel in that new life and you brain can be your biggest ally.   





A year without scales...

You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
Read more at http://www.quoteswave.com/picture-quotes/342530#eoma1OFIgAmmyiWV.99

You have been criticizing yourself for years,

and it hasn't worked.

Try approving of yourself and see what happens. 

                                                                                                 -Louise L. Hay

 

 

It happened just over a month ago. My youngest daughter was sick and I was fairly certain that she had Strep. So I bundled her up and drove out to an after hours clinic. When her name was called, we stepped back behind the doors and were quickly whisked away for vital signs and weight. As she stood there looking at the "torture device" she asked me in the softest little voice, "Mom, should I take my shoes off".

 

Luckily, this is a practice that I gave up years ago. So I quickly retorted, "No honey, it doesn't change anything". But the sting was still there.

 

My hope is that she was just asking if there was a proper way to step on the scale. But my fear has gotten the better of me and I have been examining and reexamining that scene to sniff out anything that I may have missed. My fear, and the fear of so many Mom's out there, is that my perfect little lovie believes that her value is somehow tied to the number that appears on the scale and by removing her shoes she will get a better number.

 

I grew up in the age of eating disorders. My parents and my friends parents were trying to balance the media "ideal" with the plethora of fast food options that were now available all the while helping us create a healthy body image, something that prior to this time apparently just happened. We were surrounded by models that claimed the way to happiness was a size 2 and ads that claimed that happiness came from a red box with a smile on the front of it. Most of us emerged slightly shell shocked on the other side of adolescence.

 

I fell into the majority that, at least for a time, tried to purge. (Just writing that word, I'm surprised at how neat and tidy it seems compared to the harsh reality.) Luckily for me, I was blessed with an iron clad stomach and was never successful, so I never became part of the group. Something I desperately wanted, but of course looking back I am grateful for that blessing in disguise. 

 

A lot of attention has been placed on the media lately as people begin to realize that so much of what we have thought to be real (because pictures don't lie) is in fact fake. Those little rolls that appear with natural movement are photo shopped or airbrushed out. Wrinkles are removed, natural skin tones are softened to the point of a cartoonesque quality.

 

I am so glad that I am raising my girls now instead of back when my parents were. I have tried to use words that build them up and make them feel powerful instead of words that make them examine themselves in a harsh light. And now I have proof of what is real and what isn't. When we flip through a magazine we point out where things look fake or phony and I hope it is helping, but I think there is more that I need to do.

 

My girls, and my boys, need to see me loving all of me. To be honest, the only time I have felt completely comfortable in my own skin (except, of course, for those years when I didn't realize that I shouldn't, we will say from birth to 5) was when I was pregnant. I loved the sweet roundness that moved under my skin. My hips and thighs dissolved under a blanket of expectations and no longer held my focus. It was bliss.

 

It has been a long time coming, but I am finally there again. I love all of me! My yoga practice has probably done the most to help me appreciate everything about me. I love the way my toes splay and shift as I stand in tree pose. I love the strength of my thighs as I slide into side angle pose. I even love the way my skin touches as I arch back into warrior one, because that is reality, because I'm not airbrushed.

 

I think it is time though, to take one more GIANT step forward and step off the scale for a bit. Even though I love me, I have been giving too much power to the little black box that merely announces the relationship between the gravitational pull of the earth and my mass. It has the power to take a good day and shade it with self doubt and belittlement.

 

So, as the only New Years resolution you will hear from me for the year (there are others, but I'm choosing to keep them to myself), I resolve to put the scale away for a full year and see if approving of myself day in and day out does more for me than the constant echo of a number has for all of these years.   

Because I am not that number on the scale. I am so much more and so much less.  

The slow road was fun....but....(my new health challenge)

Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart.

                                                                                  

                                                                               -Gene Tunney

 

 

So, I started a new health challenge today. I know that I said that I was going to take "the slow road", but since that proclamation I've just been sitting on that road waiting for something, ANYTHING, to happen. Guess what? Nothing happened. The good news is that while I have just been watching the time pass by I didn't gain weight, but I don't think I've ever been further from losing it either.

 

I think I needed this time though to accept my body, as it is. To stop loathing the unlovable parts and let them know that they are o.k. which was weird, but probably a necessary part of my healing process. I did my best not to scowl when I looked in the mirror, or groan as my pants got just a little tighter. It wasn't an easy process, but at the end of it all I know that I love myself and that even those "unlovable" parts are loved. Having said that, those unlovable parts have out stayed their welcome and it is time to get down to business.

 

I was so excited when a friend mentioned the possibility of a health challenge that I jumped in with both feet. We have a little facebook group and collectively we have "donated" $25 a piece to the "winners pot". At the end of the challenge there will be two winners (although all of us will be winners of better health) one who loses the most weight, by percentage, and one who racks up the most points. I am hoping to lose the most weight, but just in case that falls through I am planning on getting the maximum number of points every day.

 

Here is the break down for points:

 

* Drink at least 64 oz. of water = 3 points
* No eating after 9:00 pm = 2 points
* Eat 3 servings of vegetables = 3 points (one serving equals ½ cup; leafy greens require 1 cup per serving)
* Eat 2 servings of fruit = 2 points (one serving equals ½ cup)
* No sweets/sugary treats = 5 points (I’m a firm believer that everyone needs a free day now and then, so you will be limited to six days max each week wherein you can claim these points)
* If you do indulge in a treat, but limit yourself to one serving, you can still claim 2 points each day.
* 30 minutes of exercise = 5 points (To encourage a weekly rest day, and to not penalize those who choose not to exercise on Sunday, you can only claim exercise points a maximum of six days per week).
* Each additional 15 minutes of exercise = 1 point (Up to 90 minutes total, for a maximum of 9 exercise points: 5 points for the first 30 minutes and 4 points for 60 additional minutes. Feel free to exercise for longer, but you can only claim 90.)
* Track all food consumed = 4 points (Use whatever means you prefer to track your eating. You don’t have to count calories if you don’t want to; just keep some kind of food journal. Again, points for this will be limited to six days per week so as to not penalize those who choose to take a free day.)
* Bonus points will (hopefully) be offered each week. Watch the facebook page to see what those will be. Please be aware that all of this may be subject to change based on input from the group.
* Absolutely no HGC or other weight loss pills or supplements. This is an all-natural challenge.

I have done similar health challenges before, but I LOVE the simplicity of this one.  I LOVE that you don't subtract points for "bad behavior". You may not earn the maximum number of points if you eat sweets or sugary treats but if you limit it to one serving you still reward yourself. I also love that there are "rest" and "cheat" days. In the past I have been an all or nothing kind of gal, but that just isn't conducive with real life. Even my super skinny, athletic friends will have a treat now and then. Unlike me, they just know what the limit is and what they need to do to make sure it doesn't derail their overall goal.

This new plan feels like it will fit into my original more "mindfulness" goal. For today's exercise I took our puppy on a challenging walk for 60 minutes, did 30 minutes of yoga and also completed my meditation for the day. While on the "slow road" I was only doing yoga for about 20-30 minutes 2-3 times per week. I know that if I continue incorporating yoga into my 90 minutes of exercise everyday I will still come away with the benefits that I am hoping for, but now that I have more accountability I will be more consistent.

So here is to a healthier lifestyle and to the abundant beautiful future me that is just bursting to make her entrance!



M.I.A....oy veh!

“If your compassion does not include yourself,

it is incomplete.”  

                                                         -Buddha
 

So, you've probably noticed that I've been "missing in action". I think I only had one post for all of last week. There have been a couple of contributing factors, but I think the single most contributing factor is that I took a running leap off the wagon. I would like to say I "fell off the wagon". I would like to say that I was doing everything in my power to stay on the wagon. I would like to say that I was being dragged behind the wagon, being battered and bruised by rocks and sage brush and the only logical explanation of why I was no longer "on the wagon" was because I had to free myself from the constant beatings. But truth be told I was quite enjoying my ride on the wagon. Things were looking up. I was feeling better physically and mentally and really felt like I had a handle on what I was doing and then suddenly, out of no where I just decided that one Coke wouldn't hurt.

 

I decided that even though everything was perfect I should take this opportunity to screw things up again. I saw something in the distance that resembled happiness in the form of sweet syrup cascading gently over cool refreshing ice with tiny bubbles that exist only to tickle my taste buds. So instead of sitting nicely on the wagon, knowing that I was discovering the path to true happiness, I opted to scream "Sayonara suckers" and jump off. Right now I am so far from the wagon, that I can barely make out the dust cloud created by the wagon wheels in the distant horizon.

 

The thought of chasing after that wagon is exhausting. But I know that if I want things to "work" in my life I have to let caffeine go. I wish I could find balance with caffeine and use it just on days when I have something pressing to do and no energy to do it, but that goes against everything Ayurveda and it goes against everything that my body knows.

 

So here I go again, making a new commitment to you and to myself that I will let it go. But more than just "let it go", this time I am planning new ways to combat cravings. I have been looking into a type of acupuncture that is called "Tapping" or "EFT". My counselor recommended it when I saw her last winter. The basic idea is that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy systems. This disruption can manifest itself in the form of a craving, a sudden change in affect or illness. By tapping on energy meridian points on your body, and focusing on love and self care, you are able to stabilize your energy fields and return to a place of equilibrium.

 

It looks interesting. Honestly, if someone said that the key to constant happiness is to wear your undies on the outside of your clothing I would jump on board so fast you wouldn't even see the transformation. I might look ridiculous in the process, but I will try anything.



 

Today I choose to have compassion for myself. I recognize my limitations and I create a plan to overcome everything that stands in my way. After all, to quote Stuart Smalley from "Saturday Night Live", "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough, and dog on it people like me."



Farewell to Summer

Every leaf speaks bliss

 to me, fluttering from

the autumn tree.

                       -Emily Bronte

Can you feel it? It's happening in minute changes. It isn't really that much colder yet, but I feel fairly confident in saying that we won't see any more 100+ degree days around here this season. I don't know if it is because we become acclimated by the end of summer or if I'm just ready for the season of big baggy sweaters and everything pumpkin, but I was actually a little chilly yesterday. It was still in the mid 80's. But, as the wind tousled my hair I got a faint shiver that ran up my spine and exploded in a full body quiver.

Today my family is saying farewell to summer by going to the water park. I know that we are still weeks away from the "official end of summer", but with the kids in school and, dare I say it with a gasp, the leaves beginning to change in the higher elevations, it feels like it is time.

I've been waiting to break out some new pumpkin recipes because I don't want to be the person who is ready to put up their Christmas decor one week into November. I don't think I can hold out for much longer. Pumpkin Cheesecake and Pumpkin Bread French Toast with Cinnamon Spiked Syrup, even Pumpkin Canolli's are certain to grace our table.  I have plans to make some new fall decorations from some odds and ends I have laying around the house. The kids and I are going to go to the park and scavenge for pine cones for some fun little burlap acorns I have my eye on making and so that I can make a few more of these beauties for winter. (Look for a step by step guide in the coming weeks)

But, with as much as I look forward to fall, winter scares me. I have begged my husband for YEARS to let us live somewhere that has more mild seasons, and by mild seasons I mean no real acknowledgement of winter at all. A couple of weeks ago I promised him that I would do EVERYTHING in my power to stay happy this winter. To which I made him promise that if my best efforts fail we would finally move from Utah. I hope that it doesn't come to this, but I also know I can't last for too much longer.

I don't want to set myself up to fail. I know what it takes to move and I know moving out of state will be just that much harder. I just hope that I have done the "dirty work" to prepare myself mentally for the coming storms. I am going to do my best to create more adventure time outside, maybe even come up with a winter "bucket list" and countdown. Like watching contractions on the monitor, I think that if I have something tangible to measure when the misery will be over, I think I will be able to endure it. I really hope that this winter I THRIVE instead of merely survive.

On the plus side, I do know a few more things about myself that have been a mystery up until this point. So hopefully with this knowledge and the knowledge that winter does eventually fade into a beautifully colorful spring, I can make it. Here's to a depression free winter, I think it's about time! 





The Slow Road

We must take adventures,

in order to know where we truly belong.

 

 

 





 

Last summer the hubs and I were able to go to Hawaii twice, once with the kids in February and once by ourselves in May. Working for an airline, we travel as often as our pocketbooks will allow. On our trip in May we rented a tandem kayak in Kailua, Oahu and paddled out to the little island in the foreground of this picture. I believe collectively they are called the Mokulua Islands and the one we landed on is called Moku Nui. On the right hand side you can see the beach, the middle of the island is a bird sanctuary and on the left is a beautiful little lagoon that has been carved out of the island by waves (but more on that later).

 

When we rented the kayak the guides gave us some very specific instructions on how to access the island, #1 for safety and #2 to help preserve the sanctuary. There were three little islands that were pretty close to each other. The first one that we came to was flat and pretty barren, so we decided to keep on paddling. The one in the background of the picture is completely off limits because the whole thing is a bird sanctuary. So we set our sites on Moku Nui.

 

We remembered that we were to access the island on the beach side, and we remembered not to cross over the middle of the island. We also remembered to watch the waves a couple of times before trying to cross any of the wet volcanic rock to avoid being swept out to sea. What we didn't remember was if we were supposed to paddle out to the first island, run parallel with the beach and then take a sharp left until we hit the beach of Moku Nui. Or, if we were supposed to paddle out until we had a straight shot of Moku Nui and then paddle parallel to the beach.

 

We did the second and quickly found that the first set of directions were the ones we were supposed to follow. We found ourselves mixing it up with waves that could topple our little kayak if we didn't fight to stay afloat. Looking at the picture, we were heading straight for the rock where the waves break on the corral, right where the dark blue water becomes aqua. So instead of paddling straight for the island we would have to turn our kayak and paddle into the wave, straighten out and paddle towards the island and then back into a wave again making little stair steps towards the island.

 

As the waves were battering us we thought about turning back, but by the time we discovered we were in trouble the waves had gotten pretty big and going back the way we came was more treacherous than continuing our journey. We couldn't turn towards Kailua because there was a narrow channel running between the beach of Kailua and the beach of Moku Nui that was perpendicular with our current location. Paddling straight for the shore of Kailua meant the very real possibility of being thrown into the coral and becoming beached. So we just kept paddling, digging in as deep as we could, knowing that with every paddle forward we were also being pushed back. Our progress was slow but long story short, we made it!

 

 

 



 

In the background of this picture you can see the waves that ran between the islands, they are only about half as big as the ones we were paddling into.

 

We rested for a bit and warmed up on the sun drenched beach and decided it was time for some more discovery. So we hiked along the volcanic rock until we found the little lagoon.

 

 

After testing the water and making sure we wouldn't be dragged from the lagoon out into the open sea we decided to jump in. We swam around with beautiful tropical fish and floated effortlessly in the rich warm salt water. The best part, we had the whole thing to ourselves. It was like we were the only two people alive on the planet. It was pure bliss!

 

I was thinking about this adventure last night as I was going over the events of the day. I had planned on waking up early and working out. I have been wanting to lose some weight for a while now, but in the past I have lost a good amount of weight, something happens and I become sad and I gain it all back again. I know what it takes to lose weight, but the getting sad part has halted me in my tracks. I am currently doing pretty well, as far as my mood is concerned, and the thought of getting to a sad place again scares me! So when my alarm went of yesterday morning that was the only thought in my mind. If I exercise, I will lose weight, I will get sad and I will gain it all back again which will just make me even more sad. So I hit snooze and that was the end of that.

 

I've decided to give myself a break. Instead of: constantly beating myself up with insults; restrictive diets that just make me cranky and cardio driven workouts I have chosen a more mindful approach. I will give myself time. Though I would have liked to have lost the weight yesterday, yesterday is gone and nothing will change that. I will move forward, making healthy food choices and expand my yoga practice. This, like my adventure to Moku Nui, may be the slow road, but it is a sustainable road. I may take two steps forward and one step back, but this is still progress. In the end I will arrive at my own little private island and I will be a better, happier person for choosing the slow road.